The Wheat Ridge Ranter

Australia

2011-04-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

Here I am in Australia,

I've been here a week now for work. It's been a pretty good time. I spent the first week in Adelaide, which was a beautiful city. On Tuesday, I got into town, and the guys from the office took me out to dinner. On Wednesday, I walked the for miles around the city, it was a great and peaceful walk. I walked from Rundle Street and Frome, down to Central Market, and looped around and back. Then, I wasn't quite ready to go to sleep. So I went to the cinema. There was actually a french film festival going on. And who doesn't love those Australian French Film Festivals. Anyway, I saw a french movie that translates as "The Perfect Date." It was a dopey little romance comedy, but I laughed quite a bit. I picked the first movie that was showing and it paid off.

On Thursday, I went to Warrawong sanctuary, on the "sunset walk." It got dark really fast into the walk, but I was able to pet and feed a kangaroo, that was a special moment in my life. We went walking around the grounds and I saw a bunch of Australian animals that all look pretty much the same. There's Wallabies and Wallaroos and Potaroos and Possums etc, and they are all fun to see. The place had hundreds of them. It wasn't really a zoo, it was a sanctuary, so none of the animals are caged, and there are no guarantees about what you are actually going to see. They said that only one in ten tour groups get to see a platypus, and lucky enough, we were the one. We all stood there in the dark, by this time, it was just straight-up night-time, totally dark. The guide had a flash light that he pointed at the water, looking for bubbles. He found some, and then rising to the surface was the platypus. We actually got to see a perfect top-down view of it, and when it came to the surface, nobody could contain themselves, and the platypus got a huge round of applause. Of course, it immediately dove down again. Even though it was just 10 seconds or so, we got to see our platypus. Another highlight of the trip was the koala. We found a koala in the last 5 minutes of the 90minute tour. It was sitting up, about ten feet up, in the crook of the tree trunk and one of the major branches. It was very quiet and calm and just kind of sat there wincing (understandably). It was a great tour, and definitely one of the highlights so far.

Friday was pretty passive, I just kind of wandered the city on foot again. I went back to the french film festival and saw another movie, but mistakenly, the movie I picked was actually spanish (english subtitles). It was called Biutiful and was perhaps the most depressing movie I've ever seen in my life. Horribly depressing, good, but depressing.

I also went in to the office those days, but I'm going to ignore the work stuff, basically, I am preparing and giving a demonstration of the Data Access Layer. nuff said.

Saturday I just kind of wandered Perth on foot. I went to the mall and took a bunch of pictures of the city. On Sunday, I went to "Caversham Wildlife Park." This was more of a straight-up zoo. I got to feed kangaroos again. I've always loved kangaroos, and getting to meet them only has made me love them more. They are very tender and smart animals. They grab food from your hands so gently and chew it for sometimes several minutes before getting another bite. They look up and you with the most gentle eyes. They are also spectacular nappers.

I also got to see a ton of exotic owls and flying foxes (bats). And of course, there was a Koala enclosure, where I got to pet a bunch of Koalas and watch them amble about through the trees. They were impressively clumsy in the trees. They were oafish and lazy, but nonetheless cute. They aren't really as "cuddly" as they are normally presented. They are actually a bit rigid and have a somewhat icy demeanor. In person, there noses stick out more than they do as stuffed animals or drawings, this gives them more of a feel that they are designed to bite. One of the koala's crawled into the zoo-workers arms, and she described that the one specific koala was raised from birth by humans and actually craves human attention, but she said he is somewhat unusual for Koalas. Koalas have huge claws, and even when they want to be picked up, they look awkward. It was fine being held, but it just didn't seem particularly good at being held.

That was sunday, today is monday and the conference started. I sat through 8 hours of extremely boring presentations. I will be throwing my shit on the pile on wednesday. I guess they weren't all completely boring. But I will say that all of them were at least partially boring. But the food is free and tasty and I respect that. After day 1 of the conference, there was a gourmet bbq out on the back patio. It was a beautiful event and I ate happy. yum.

After the event, I took my ipod, grabbed a coke, and went out to the golf course to sit down and relax. I found a bunch of kangaroos hanging out by a tree on the golf course. I sat down by the tree, drank my coke, listened to my music, and hung out with the kangaroos. It was, simply put, one of the best hours of my life. I loved it.

Now, I am very very tired. I will go to sleep.

Also today, I got to skype with my family, which was a great great feeling. I'm really missing all the love and chaos.

-Ryan

Ava Turns Two

2011-03-06T22:29:00.000-08:00

A great week!

Ava turned two last week. I've described her as my exploding goofball swan, and I believe that to be an accurate description. She has a mysterious little soul. You never really know what you're gonna get from the small fry. She's got a lot of facets to her personality. She can be outgoing, saying hello to every stranger. Or, she can be shy, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. She can be extremely task-oriented, focused, planning and working with her miniature kitchen. Or, she can be jumping around in circles, dancing (with no music on), talking to herself (like her daddy does).

I really like her little mind. She's got a good sense of humor, though, you can't really put your finger on it. She's goofy, yet oddly graceful. She can make these extremely studious and serious faces, and then suddenly explode into a full on smile. And her whole face changes shape when she smiles. She also sticks her head forward when she smiles, and it's a poetic experience, because she puts her grin right into your face.

She's a little life force. Her name means "life," actually, so does "Zoe," but in two different languages. Zoe is a somewhat rare name, but not extremely rare, you're likely to meet a couple Zoe's in your life. Ava's name is extremely popular. But we didn't pick either name for popularity or obscurity, we just liked the names.

Ava has a funny style to her movements and stances. Here's a picture of her staring down the winter with a wide-stance. She does cute little things like putting her hand lightly on her own shoulder (right hand on right shoulder). She does it in such a light feminine way. She also likes to make loose fists with both of her hands, and then she crosses her arms with them high and against her body.

I know I'm just gushing about my girl, and going into much more detail than socially acceptable. But hey, My Blog: My Rules.

Anyway, we had a great birthday for her. We went to this indoor amusement park called "Funtastic Fun (worst.name.ever)" It's this old run down place, but the kids love it there. I half expect scooby-doo and shaggy to show up investigating some sort of makeshift haunt job. It's kind of got that vibe. Not really creepy, but just, extremely "broken-in." They have a little ferris wheel there that probably goes twenty feet in the air, or maybe thirty. They actually have a little cut-out of the ceiling for it. The whole place is actually shutting down in May (I believe). It's being moved somewhere in east Denver.

Anyway, they had a little teacup ride, and a train ride, and this little cart ride that whips people around the turns, and a ball-pit (the fan-fave amongst the girls). It also had a bounce palace (in which Ava got landed on by a little girl, and somehow managed to not even notice). That's a result of growing up around Annie, a high-octane turbo-Labrador with an iron tail and battering-ram head. She's a great dog though, very good with the girls.

Anyway, I better get to sleep now. I just wanted to write something, because it's been a long while. I deleted a couple of my previous posts, which were half-envisioned poems that almost made sense at the time, and made zero-sense later. Anyway, I leave you with a photo of Ava from the vault (digging back to ancient October 2010, five months ago). Anyway, I like this picture, so I included it.

See ya all later, peace unto all!
-Rapp

2010

2010-01-02T23:51:00.000-08:00

The new decade is here!

I look back upon the 00s with a lot of pride. I graduated college in 2000, so the main focus of the decade was definitely about starting a life with Jess, getting a career going, picking a place to live, and then ultimately, the girls. My biggest trials came early in the decade, when, weeks after putting a contract on a town-home, the company I was working for shut down the Boulder Office. Also, Jess and I were engaged and planning a wedding at the time. It was very stressful. The job market was destroyed because of the popping of the internet bubble. Technically, it popped in '99. By the summer of 2001, there were no technical jobs available. And there I was, basically a rookie with 1year of professional experience. I had to do what I could, and that meant signing up for a temp agency and working data-entry. I was the guy that typed addresses into the computer. The addresses came as a stack of those little cards that fall out of magazines. It was a horrible job, with the fear that I would have to wait years before re-entering the industry I was trained in. During this time, Jess and I got married in Virginia. It was a beautiful wedding, and though Jess and I helped out, her mother and father saved the day and made it possible. Finally, I just quit my job, and looked for another. First, I got a job proofreading mortgage documents, but that was about a billionth of a step up from data-entry. I quit. Then I found a job working for a guy who had started his own software consulting company. I was his first employee. It was a start up, and he couldn't pay benefits, but I was making more money than my temp jobs so I stuck with it. During that time, I still filled out hundreds of applications for software jobs. I finally got a job at Map tek, and it was a godsend. On December 1st, despite our financial woes, we got a puppy. It was our dream to have a puppy together, we had the name picked out from our college days. We adopted Marzie from the Brighton Puppy rescue. A year and a half-later, we adopted Yazzi, and the summer after that, we adopted a cat named Neeka. Being homebodies, we basically spent all of our time at home playing with our furry family.

I worked at Map tek for a while, and Jess and I got back on our feet. Then, we decided that we wanted a bigger place than our townhome, and we hit the housing market. We found a great deal on a "fixer upper." Actually, it was a dump, but it was a lot of house for the money. I'm terrible with tools, and design, and pretty much every skill it takes to remodel a house, but Jess and her family are amazing. After giving myself a delusional pep-talk about how most people decide what they can/can't do too early, and I wasn't going to be that way, I signed up for the project of the century. We worked on the house nonstop. And by nonstop, I mean getting home from work at around 6 and working till at least 10pm, sometimes after midnight. On the weekends, we worked from 8am to 10pm or midnight. Every day. No exceptions. It was crazy and we did this for 6 months or so. Jess' grandmother, yes GRANDMOTHER, was the leader of the pack. Her energy level was amazing and she showed us how to do everything. She was inspirational and I am forever grateful for her help (this makes it sounds like she's passed away, but she's not, she's alive and well). Now, we have a house that I feel is an extension of me. I can't find a square foot of it that I didn't work on in some way, including ceilings and floors. We touched every inch of the house. Although there will always be projects to do, I basically consider the house project done. I also learned that it's possible to spend hundreds (maybe thousands) of hours on something and never improve. I truly have no talent for tools or fixit thinking. But at least I can do a few of the basics on my own (I installed a dimmer switch in the living room today, that's a really easy one.).

After the house project, we had a medical scare in the family. I don't know the technical term, but my dad (diabetic) got very sick and was taken to the ICU. His boss called me up at work and said that she talked to him and he wasn't making a lot of sense. I rushed to his house to find him panting and staggering around his bedroom. His blood sugar had skyrocketed for two reasons...1) He had strep throat and 2) he was out of sorts and was unable to refill his insulin pump on his own. His blood sugar was so high that the doctors said their instruments were unable to get detailed readings at his level. They said it was the highest they'd ever seen. He was in the ICU for 5 days or so. When he came out, he came to live with Jess and I. It was a terrifying and disastrous time. I was terrified every single day he lived here. I was always sneaking into his room to be sure he was ok, and I was constantly calling him and worrying if he showed up 5 minutes later from work than usual. Ultimately, he ended up moving in with my Aunt (his sister). Now, he is doing much better and is living on his own.

At the very end of his living at our house, we received the first bit of good news of the decade. Jess was pregnant! We found out she was pregnant in fall 2006, and Zoe was born on June 21, 2007. Zoe is an amazing and inspiring person. She's brought so much love and energy into our lives. In March 2009, Ava was born. Now, we have two little girls, and they are two little geniuses of spirit. They make every day a miracle.

On October 14, 2009, little Marzie passed away. She was our little baby girl and we will always miss her. By the end of her life, she probably had accumulated 30 or so nicknames, one of her major nicknames was Loomis (a variant of Mrs. Marzie-lou, Lou Lou, Mar-lou, and Lou Miss, and finally reverse, Lou-Miss, which just got shortened to Loomis). We will plant a small commemorative tree for her in our backyard in the spring of 2010. It will be called Bloomis.

We have now adopted another puppy. Her name is Annie. It's such a strange name for us, very simple and feminine and from the book, but it's right. We all love her very much.

I am so thankful for my life right now. I am thankful for the health of my family, a stable job (been with Maptek for almost 7 1/2 years now, knock on wood), and most of all, my ladies three. It's a great time to be a Rapp (knock on wood). It's easy to say "I take nothing for granted," but you always are always taking things for granted. So I'll just say that I take much less for granted than I used too. Every day on this earth is a miracle, and I'm so thankful to be part of it. I had a lot of ups and downs financially and psychologically, but now it's all coming together (cue Here Comes the Sun).

So the next decade, what does it have in store for us? Who knows. But I'll be ecstatic to be able to spend time with my family. That's all I want.

Zoe's 2/Father's Day

2009-06-21T12:29:00.000-07:00

My two little ones

I don't know why I'm writing this now, because I don't have any pictures yet. I'm basically in the eye of the hurricane. Zoe and Ava are both napping, and when they wake up, we're gonna party. We got a baby pool (with a rainbow and a slide), We got a little tricycle. We got a little microphone. It's gonna be a good time. Oh, and it's also father's day.

I am so happy and proud of my little girls. They are the most amazing gift that anybody could ever receive. They are beautiful and sweet and courageous and funny and innocent and wild. They are awesome. Every day when I look at them, I think of how amazing they are. Their charm has never worn off, or even faded in the least bit. In fact, one of my favorite aspects of parenthood is watching how these little spirits transform without ever losing their magic. One day it's just a passing glance, Next, they're shaking a rattle, then crawling and squawking and talking and walking and playing hide-n'-seek and then tellin' you about Peter Rabbit and the scary white cat by the fish pond.

I wish I could type out exactly how I feel about my little girls, but I'm gonna need a keyboard with only exclamation points.

Ava Karey Rapp

2009-03-06T22:50:00.000-08:00

Well, an update has been long overdue.

The big news!! Ava Karey Rapp was born on Tuesday March 3 at 5:17 AM! She's such a beautiful little baby and I love her very much. Zoe was very excited to see her and gave her many kisses and hugs as well as several miscellaneous coos and ahhhs. It's been a really amazing week.

I'm here with Ava right now. It's midnight and an impromptu slumber party has surfaced. Participants: Me and Ava. Jess just fed her a bottle and went to bed. Of course, Ava was wide awake and ready to play as only a 3 day old can. I make faces at her, rock her along to the music, talk to her, etc. Every personality is a mystery, and little Ava packed tight with odd expressions.

She's a lot more active than Zoe was at this age. She likes to kick and throw her arms about. Zoe wasn't much of a kicker. Jess has been aware of Ava's kicking for a long time, but it's been funny to see it in person. The pictures of Zoe and Ava are pretty remarkable. Comparing similar pictures from 3 days old, it's really hard to tell them apart. Ava has a slightly different shaped nose, and her cheeks aren't quite as chubby. Other than that, they are pretty much identical.

The pictures of the family are available at www.flickr.com/rpr9999

I'm so thankful to have my kids. They are the most inspiring people I know, and have ever known.

Various pictures of Zoe over the last few months.

2008-09-17T21:28:00.001-07:00

Zoe's birthday (June 21st).

Zoe falling asleep at a Rockies game.

Zoe eating a tube of diaper rash prevention ointment (Desitin, not Boudreaux’s Butt Paste^®, for more info, check out http://www.buttpaste.com .

Zoe playing with the fridge. (Did you know that fridge has a "d" but refrigerator doesn't?)

Zoe sits on floor, believe it.

A recent picture of Zoe.

If for some reason you want more pictures, go to http://www.flickr.com/rpr9999

Also, I've announced it pretty much to everyone, but just in case you missed it, we got another one on the way. Due date is March 13, 2009! Don't know boy or girl yet, give us a month or so on that one.

Songs with Strange Uplifting Energy

2008-08-05T22:31:00.001-07:00

Songs with Strange Uplifting Energy (some calming, some toe-tapping):

"I'm Happy, She Said" - M83
One of my favorite songs is "I'm Happy, She Said" by M83. It's a great song. I used to give Zoe her middle of the night bottles while listening to it. It's beautiful, it builds nicely, but at the same time, it requires and inspires and little bit of patience.

"Nutshell" - Alice in Chains
I like their original band name better "Alice and the Chains." It's a complete meaning shift to shorten it. This is a sad and somewhat unnecessary song that came about because of an alienation of some sort. Strangely, the singer seems to understand a lot of his feelings of injury. I'd be inclined to say that the song is not just a product of ignorant rage or blind self-indulgence. But has an actual element of transcendence in the actual music. Layne Staley was great, he's another dead artist, but we notice that artists never die when performing, just when they have too much time to themselves.

"If It Be Your Will" - Leonard Cohen
This is kind of backhanded thank-you note for life. I'm not christain or jewish or buddhist or anything, but I love all people, and I treat their religions as I treat any poem that's sacred to someone I love. I may be loved or hated for it, and I'm not necessarily proud of where I stand with it, but its where I find myself when I'm really truthful to myself both emotionally and intellectually. This song is addressed to his G-d, and he says if you want me to be quiet, I'll be quiet. If you want me to sing out, I'll sing out. But the fact that the song exists and is being sung pretty directly indicates that he's received his order. So it becomes kind of a love note or a thank you note of some sort, and at the same time a commitment to surrender. Anyway, that's what I think when I listen to it.

"Headphones" - Bjork
This is an avant garde song. And to be honest, it's actually a perfect description for what happens when I listen to the first song listed above (The M83 song). She listens to a new tape with new sounds and it just opens up her mind. and intermittently she sings, "these headphones, they saved my life, your tape, it lulled me to sleep." If you've ever fallen asleep to calm alienlike music you can totally relate to this. It's kind of like a form of meditation. I like to put this song on my mp3 player, lay on my back, close my eyes, and just calmly listen. It's a great song.

"One More Cup of Coffee" - Bob Dylan
People are really likely to write abstract descriptions of Bob Dylan songs. You basically can either 1) write abstract blurbs in an attempt to weave a poor man's version of the song, 2) quote lines verbatim as if you understand them or 3) come clean. I come clean. What the fuck? Hmm, A girl rejects someone. I guess someone has been groomed to fight. We got a family of gypsy psychics. And then there's the prosaic coffee and the mysterious valley below. Death? War? Just a valley? Who knows. Perhaps there's a direct meaning and reference in here somewhere that I haven't properly researched. Either way, It's a great song and I am soothed by its mystery.

"That I Would Be Good" -Alanis Morisette
I have no business liking this song. It's clearly written by a young women for other young women. I can just pretend that I'm researching good art to pass on to Zoe when she's of age. What a lie. I like this song. It's honest, and extremely straightforward. She's got a beautiful voice. It's got a flute solo. I really like this whole album a lot.

"Plucky's Lament" - Bela Fleck
An instrumental. It feels like I grew up on this song even though I heard it for the first time 10 years or so ago.

"Going Home" from the Local Hero soundtrack (Mark Knopfler)
I love this song. It's so unobvious (not a word, but I use it regularly). The whole album is built off of this beautiful and calm riff. It's amazing. The theme actually picks up and carries you off on the back of some angel of 1980's saxophone music! Don't let yourself get distracted by the cheesiness of the happy ending. It's just a vehicle for relaxation. You'll smile when you listen to this song.

"Race Among the Ruins" - Gordon Lightfoot
Bob Dylan said that when he hears a Gordon Lightfoot song he wishes it would go on forever. Lightfoot carries tunes in such a soft egoless (another non-word) manner. You almost forget there's a person actually performing the song. And he carries it so lightly and smoothly along. It's a great song, and the lyrics are good too.

"Attics of My Life" - Grateful Dead
Jerry Garcia is America's wacky uncle. He's always got that goofy smirk underneath that beard. He writes humble songs. I don't know who wrote this melody, or who's idea it was to get the potheads to harmonize on it, but it worked!! It's so simple and easy. It almost feels like they're making it up as they go, and just picking out the same lyrics by happenstance. I love hippie music. I'm always extremely aware of its hippiness, but it never distracts from the fact that its an awesome song. I could have seen this song debuted by a bunch of grungy old men with toe tickling beards on America's got talent. They'd get a standing ovation, smile their rotten tooth smiles, and then get booted off the next week. Hey buds, get back in the van, I need to talk about the next song now.

"Run Free" - Hanz Zimmer
A song from the "Stallion: Spirit of the Cimarron" Soundtrack. Really! This is probably as bad as Alanis! This song is the quintessential triumph of the human spirit song. Play it before a test, a job interview, a thumbwar, whatever? This song will get your blood pumping like no other. I like to play it so loud that I can't hear myself scream. That's the proper way to play it. Play it when you're dishing out some rocky road ice cream. Play this motherfucker. And when you're done, buy the dvd and watch that horse fly!

"Hide and Seek" - Imogen Heap
Nothing can really follow that last song. But this is just a collection, not a playlist. This song has some weird effect that kind of steals the show. The lyrics are a little too forced for me. But that's fine. It gets oddly rhapsodic at the end and kind of sparks your mind a little bit. I got addicted to it at one point.

"Shine" - Joni Mitchell
This is an unbelievable song. It has an unbelievable ability to unpack stress and frustration. It's a pretty simple song in which she basically prays for the best and worst of mankind. It's got a "Leaves of Grass" quality to it, with a little bit more truth about some of the ugliness of it. She's got some lines I don't really agree with, but that's fine. I really love this whole album.

"King of May" - Natalie Merchant
An elegy for Allen Ginsberg. But really for all the virtues that Allen supposedly embodied. To her, he definitely did. You can feel the real emotion that she feels for him in this song. It's not an overtly sad song, as "River" is. But a celebration of his life. The strings build up slowly and perfectly.

"The Teacher" - Paul Simon
The version of this song on the Paul Simon dvd in Paris is incredible. The lights are perfect. The sound is perfect. The audience is perfect. He's got that ridiculously awesome-looking guitar player. He looks like he rose out of some sort of mist with his robes and his guitar. His fingers are so long, it looks like he can wrap them three times around the fretboard. Anyway, the song and the performance are magical.

I better stop here. These are just some songs that have a strange way of sneaking on to most of the mix-CDs that I burn. They are great songs. I thought I'd share them. I can totally understand if you give 'em a try and hate them. That's just the way it is.

Anyway, I gotta work tomorrow and it's 1:04 am. See you later!

Zoe at a Year

2008-07-29T00:23:00.000-07:00

Well, Zoe's a year old now. Her eagerness to master the daily actions of life is both inspiring and frightening. Innocence is so blissful, she's losing it everyday. Maybe not innocence, but ignorance. She's overcoming hundreds of mysteries every day. Her sense of wonder is slowly replaced by a harsh and swift understanding of the ways of the world. The sense of wonder will never be completely erased, but it is sad to watch it slowly covered over with knowledge. On the flip side, it's awe-inspiring to witness Zoe's little sponge-like mind slurp up all the objects and ideas around her.

Zoe is wandering her environment on foot now. She can walk and she can run. She's wobbly yet she moves with definite intention. She knows the drawer that holds the silverware. She knows where her rocking horse is. She knows how to open and close the toy box. She knows all these things. She's got several words as well, everything from mommy to daddy to ball to balloon to bowl to all-done to wow to hi to bye and a bunch of others as well. She's hilarious at times. Sometimes during her most uninvited diaper changes she yells "no no no why? why?" It's sad, but also very cute and funny. Usually diaper changes are uneventful.

The past month has been crazy. I took Zoe to a family reunion in lake Tahoe all by myself. Of course, we weren't alone when we got there, but it was a really challenging trip there and back. I plan to share my experiences about it later. In mid June, we had 8 visitors sleeping over at our house from out of town. Jess' parents, Doris, Jess' aunt, uncle, and nephew, and Jess' two grandmas. It was a great time. On the 21st we had a large party of like 30-40 people that came over for Zoe's birthday. Everyone besides the grandparents and Jess' dad went home on the 22nd. Jess' dad stayed a few more days to help rip out the tile in the kitchen and replace it with hardwood floors. He left before we really started installing the floor. It took that long to rip out the tile and sure-up the floor and tighten up some of the cabinetry. When he left, Me and Jess and Jess' grandma installed the new hardwood, Jess' other grandma watched Zoe. It was a good time and we are really happy with how the project turned out.

On July 2nd, Jess, Zoe, and her grandmas flew out to Indiana to attend a wedding. Jess was there for 4 days before she had to fly out to Sacramento for some special work-related training (AVID program). Zoe went with Jess' parent to Virginia. I missed Zoe a lot, as I was home alone for a week and a half. That was surreal, because it's been a long time since I've been home alone. I enjoyed the first few days, then it got lonely and boring. Anyway, after Jess' training, she flew back to Denver, and then Jess and I flew out the next day to the Virginia/Washington DC area. We stayed there from the 12th to the 21st of July. We had a good time in Virginia. There were many challenges though. Most having to do with Zoe being sick. She eventually started feeling better and the trip was capped off with a trip to the Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg Virginia. It was basically a hotel with a giant waterpark inside. It was a really easy and fun vacation for kids. Jess' brother and sister in law and their two kids came along and we all got to spend time together.

Anyway, That was the last month. We had a solid month of winging-it and were very happy to get back home.

Anyway, That's all for tonight. I am having trouble sleeping. It's 1:45 AM and I have work tomorrow. See ya all later.

Zoe at 9 months

2008-03-29T23:57:00.000-07:00

Wow, I was hoping to keep this blog more up to date. But time does what it wants regardless. Anyway. Zoe has had a great couple of months. She's really moving now. She can walk with just one hand helping. She can also kind-of walk using only her fake lawn-mower toy (though she only can stay up for a about a half of a minute before she plops down on her butt). Anyway, she's really going for it.
Her personality is really starting to shine. She laughs a lot, and loves making other people smile and laugh. We went to Virginia for Easter and she got everyone grinning and giggling. I can tell, she's gonna have quite a boisterous personality. Over easter vacation she got to meet her cousins for the first time. They are Maddox (3.5 years, and Xavier 2.25 years). She can't hope to keep up with those two. They are both really energetic and physical little boys. Maddox is basically a blur. You're lucky to get a minute of time with him before he literally sprints off to a new location. He's a great kid. He's got a really great heart, and he loves to wrestle and play ball and do all the little boy fundamentals.
It's 1am right now and I better get to bed. But here are a couple pictures from easter.

Zoe is 7 months plus change

2008-01-28T20:16:00.000-08:00

I can't believe Zoe is seven months old already. We've had so much fun with her in the last month. She's been sitting up real well for about a month (now she never tips). She reaches out to touch everything in sight. She's been barreling around the house in her walker. We try to limit the walker time, but she loves it. She flies around at the speed of sound chasing the cat. She cries when the cat (Neeka) escapes down the "kitty-hole" to the basement. She moved on to the next level of foods. Which includes horrible meat flavorings (horrible judging by her reaction to them). Last tuesday, she had her flu shot. I took the day off with her just for fun. We had a great time together. After her appointment, I took her to the mall. The mall was open, but the stores weren't. I stumbled on a secret society of women!! There were probably 30-40 women with their babies taking walks around the mall with their babies in strollers. Apparently, that's where the moms go to get out of the house early in the morning. Since I was a dude, and there was plenty of room in the mall. I went around the circle in the opposite direction. The babies waved hi to Zoe, and Zoe just analyzed them. Eventually, Zoe fell asleep and I got a bit drowsy myself. That's when I decided to have a healthy snack (Cinnabon and a large coke). I bombed myself with sugar. Then I just took Zoe home and we played. It was a great day. I can always get her to laugh with either 1) a raspberry on the belly, 2) a 321 getcha getcha getcha countdown. She's a sweetheart.
It's worth noting that my absolute favorite time with Zoe is when she falls asleep when I'm holding her. My second favorite is taking her to the pool. Another thing I love to do, is take her picture.

She's my sweetie. Jess and I are having such a great time with lil' Z. We have two nicknames for her 1) Captain Tuddlesworth and 2) Little Z.

Zoe's First Christmas

2007-12-31T21:46:00.000-08:00

Blink! Tomorrow becomes yesterday.

Zoe's first Christmas is over. It was a great experience. Jess' parents came out from the 19th to the 24th. They played with Zoe, and Zoe was able to play back. She's such a unique little spirit. She's got a classic doughbaby smile. She's got pink cheeks, and wide-open blue eyes. Just holding her in my hands makes me feel impossibly gifted. The ridiculous reality of it is, she's there every morning! I wake up to her grins, her coos, her happenstance calls to the air in general. Someone always rises to answer her calls. She's got a trust in the world that only a child can securely adopt. I love her. I love trying to relate to her view.
She had a great time with Grandma and Grandpa. We took her for her first trip to the pool. She cautiously dipped her feet in the water. Her eyes were unafraid. I expected reluctance. Instead, I witnessed her unique personal replacement, studiousness. She studied the water matter-of-factly. She watched it ripple. When it splashed her mouth, she extended her tongue to explore it. She continued licking her bottom lip until she felt she understood the sensation. Then, she came alive. She kicked. She grinned. She was passed from grandma to grandpa to mom to dad around in a circle. It was a great time. Here's a picture:

She had many great experiences with Grandma and Grandpa. She is able to sit up by herself. And that offered her many new opportunities to play original games. She could play with her Christmas gifts all by herself. Sitting up, shed pick up her blocks, or her rattling-toys and wave them around. She was having a ball.

The day before Jess' parents left, my sister Molly and her husband Jason came into town from San Antonio. Molly was so excited to see Zoe. She wouldn't let her go. She wanted to hold Zoe, change her diaper, give her a bath, play with her, feed her bottles, feed her solids. She crammed six months worth of babysitting into 4 days. Zoe loved her time with Aunt Molly. She had seen Molly before, but she was pretty young, barely even able to smile. Now, she was really interacting and laughing and tickling and cuddling with her auntie. Here's a picture:

What a joy! 2007 was a great year. I sit here enraptured by nostalgia. And maybe my emotions overtake me. But I have to declare 2007 my best year ever!! I can only hope that 2008 will be as great.

Happy New Year to all!

The Zostress, 1/2 a year old

2007-12-22T22:58:00.000-08:00

DANG! Half a year old already. I can't believe it. Zoe is really something. She's really a little personality now. She grins and giggles, gets frustrated, pitches fits, eats everything she can grab, grabs everything in her reach, and much more. She's a funny one. We had a great time with her today. We had an appointment at Target to take her to have her pictures taken. After trying every trick in the book, we finally got some good shots. We ordered a ridiculous amount of photographs. It was a special day.

Jess' parents are in town. So we've had a lot of fun taking turns playing with Zoe. It has really been fun to witness many of the family specific traditions that they bring. I'm not talking about ceremonial traditions. I'm talking about babygames and phrases, styles of babytalk, methods of raspberry delivery, tickle attack rules of engagement, etc. All the small things. Jess' parents literally shipped 4 large boxes of presents for Zoe. Each box contained roughly 6-10 presents. Jess and I also got Zoe five or six presents. So Zoe is pretty much set for life. When she grows up, we'll pretty much be equipped to start our own toy museum. It's a time of absurd plenitude in our household. (I just learned that plenitude isn't spelled plentitude).

We saw things today. We learned things today. We changed things today.
I even learned that most people don't like baked potato chips. I personally love them.

Anyway, if you're reading this. WRITE A BLOG NOW!! Don't just read, WRITE!!

Zoe, getting close to 6 months.

2007-12-09T22:54:00.000-08:00

Wow, Zoe is getting older and wiser by the second. Her personality is really starting to shine. She smiles almost all day, and laughs several times a day. She's starting to really understand more of her world. She reaches for things she wants. And she responds unhappily to having objects taken away (such as a bottle). She's had this behavior in primitive form for a while, but you can tell, she is processing the information in a much more mature manner. Her two lower teeth have taken their pretty little time coming in. It's been over a month and they're still not all the way in. Only partially, probably 1/2-3/4 done, although it can be hard to tell how deep they go.

Zoe is really fun to be around. She's changing daily. She can now stand up as long as she has a basket or coffee-table or mommy-daddy to hold on to. She has to be really closely chaperoned in such cases, as she can instantly fall forward or backward or sideways. Of course, she's not even close to being able to walk, or even stand by herself. Those milestones are another 4-6months away. She can sit up by herself for 30 seconds or so IF she's playing with a stuffed animal or ball, and has it in her lap. It helps her counterweight as well as stops her from shifting to the side. If she has nothing in her hands, she pretty much flops sideways instantly. Jess is pretty excited about her abilities in this area (because Jess couldn't sit up until 8 months or so).

Zoe's favorite activities are 1) kicking and rolling the ball, 2) playing with her stuffed animals, and 3) laying on her back and holding her feet. I tried activity number 3 myself today, and hated it. It hurt my stomach muscles and also felt somewhat offputting and unsanitary holding on to my feet.

A few things about Zoe have reminded me of when I was a child. My memories are when I was a bit older 3-5 or something, however, I still can remember what these things feel like. 1) Having a wet collar from chewing or druelling on my shirt collar. 2) Being carried up to bed when half-asleep. 3) the feeling of wearing pajamas with feet. I even remember that as you outgrow the pajamas, you can feel them pulling against your shoulders and your feet. I remember that feeling.

Anyway, Zoe has had an amazing month, and a surprising week. She changes so fast. Christmastime is going to be amazing. Jess' mom and dad are coming out the 19th-24th. And my sister and brother in law are coming out for the 23rd to 27th. Zoe is gonna be spoiled crazy. Oh, I also have our company Christmas party as well as our personal Christmas open house coming up. We're gonna have an amazing and crazy Christmastime.

Anyway, I better get to bed for work tomorrow.
-Rapper

Zoe Playing with Mom

2007-11-15T19:12:00.001-08:00

Zoe's First Time Eating Solid Food

2007-11-15T17:52:00.000-08:00

Zoe and the Tooth

2007-11-12T21:49:00.000-08:00

BREAKING NEWS: ZOE HAS A TOOTH

Believe it or not, it finally busted through. It's been over a month that she's been teething. She has been drooling profusely for a long time. But now, it's finally happened. A little tooth has broken through. It's her right front bottom tooth. Soon, she'll be biting and drawing blood. We're really excited to see her take this important step towards adulthood. What a special little girl.

Zoe at 4 1/2 Months

2007-11-08T20:45:00.000-08:00

Wow! So much has changed in Zoe's world since my last post. She's been teething. Her lower teeth are reluctantly making an appearance. Soon she'll be biting everything in sight. Also, she has started on rice cereal, which she eats voraciously. Her first feeding went unbelievably well. After reading articles and books that told me to expectant reluctance to solid food, I was surprised to see how much she loved the stuff! On her first sitting, she ate nearly an entire bowl full of cereal. It was funny to watch her snap at the plastic covered spoon. We called her our little "Snapping Turtle." It was cute.

Also, she's really started to laugh and giggle a lot more. It's easy to make her smile, but it takes a lot of work (and luck) to make her laugh. It's extremely rewarding when you finally get her grin to open wide and shriek.

What a beauty. We love her very much.

Zoe, Umpteenth Part!!

2007-10-10T00:19:00.001-07:00

Sorry 'bout those Anti-Blogs. They commandeered my mind when I was in a corny mood (just seconds ago).

Here's the latest on Zoe!!

Anti-Blog2

2007-10-10T00:17:00.000-07:00

SHNEEP!! I'm too shy to blog! But I'm taking up space anyway!! SHNEEP!

Anti-Blog

2007-10-10T00:14:00.000-07:00

Pah! I am the antiblog! I have come here to put a temporary stopper in Ryan's philosophical and hyper-sentimental nonsense!!! BLARB!

Enjoy the Rest!!

Kid Nation

2007-10-04T01:00:00.000-07:00

It's 2:00am on Wednesday night. I should be asleep. I have work tomorrow. Well, I'm not asleep. Instead I'm typing here. I'm too tired to really make any significant sense. Zoe is asleep. She's out like a light. Her grandma spent the day with her. She'll be doing the same tomorrow and Friday. My mom really loves spending time with Zoe. They play with every toy. They lay a blanket down in every room. They sing every song. They read every book. Zoe will probably be asleep for an entire week after all the stimulation she got today. By the time I got home, Zoe was in a trance. She was sleep-squawking and waving her arms in every direction. She finally calmed down. I held her, walked her around a bit. Calmly, she drifted to sleep.

She's 3 1/2 months old now. She really looks like Jess and Jess' mother. Her forehead looks like me a little bit, but that's it. She's kind of a watcher. She studies people. I think she's gonna be pretty outgoing. That's the vibe I get. She'll be kind of wild. She has ringleader potential, but it's too early to tell.

Jess and I watched "Kid Nation" tonight. It's really funny to see all the kids competing in these challenges, and trying to communicate rationally. The show is kind of wild. Some people feel that it's unethical. I don't think that. I think there's potential for great danger and disaster (if it weren't secretly chaperoned). Ultimately, I think it 's kind of inspirational. It really champions all the different personality recipes that the human race is comprised of. One episode, the hero is a calm orator. In another, its the diligent dishwasher. In a third, it's the courageous cowboy wild-child that becomes the hero. I see these kids do things that I couldn't do now, let alone when I was 8-13. They have their struggles no doubt. They really fight and argue and gang up on each other. The drama of the confrontation always seems to give way to a somewhat reasonable approach to their dilemma. It can seem like their society is a slippery slope (sound familiar). One catastrophe, and all is lost. But that's not likely.

They do a good job of selling the concept of the show. They sell the question, "Can kids be responsible and skillful enough to make a small town work?" The question is cute in itself. The show isn't necessarily true to the question. The show introduces separate working-classes, and frames out a new problem to be solved each week. That's obviously unnatural. I accept it though.

I tend to hate reality shows in general. Because people are hip to them. I like sincerity. Sincerity is interesting to me. Adults are usually insincere in the front of the camera (whether they mean to be or not). But these kids, even though they possess really impressive social intelligence. They're still young enough to not have a very concrete identity. And so they have less to lose, and they put it all on the line. I'm impressed with their leadership ability, and often with their ability to stand up against a large group with an opposing opinion. Anyway, I'm just rambling now.

What I was really saying was, I like to daydream about how Zoe would act if she were on the show. I like to meditate on that question. It's fun. You daydream about how you would want her to be. And in that daydream, you can learn a lot about your personal concept of a hero. You can learn about your concept of social responsibility. Despite its obvious caveats, the show really does a great job of paring down the challenges and conflicts that take place in the larger world.
It's good fun.

Neighborhood Traveler

2007-09-30T00:11:00.000-07:00

Zoe and her Mama are suited up for the adventure of the century ... a trip around the block.

Cosmos II

2007-09-26T00:18:00.000-07:00

Zoe partakes in Jess' cosmic grin.

Cosmos I

2007-09-26T00:10:00.000-07:00

Neeka partakes in Zoe's cosmic grin.

Rapps, Golden Age

2007-09-20T23:30:00.000-07:00

I don't feel like waxing poetic tonight. So I'm just gonna go straight at it. Zoe is awesome. She's got "It." She's got that certain something. I feel like I should have to run a triathlon every day just to have the rights to see her. Or maybe pay tribute to her with a Big Mac. She can't eat it yet. She's only 3 months old. How quick it has gone. She's gone from being a 7lb 6oz baby, to a 13lb juggernaut of emotion. She's a presence. When she's carried into a room, the walls shake and the floor drops out. Everyone is left hovering in a stupor. They're staring at her. She just looks around.
What a goddess. She smiling. She complains when necessary. For example, if she's prematurely put to bed. There's gonna be dialog about it. She's gonna rule that dialog. It's gonna be the Zoe show. And for the grand finale, she'll get what she wants. She's got that touch. It'll be tough to tame it when she's older. They say you can't spoil a baby this small. But she had a fully decorated room before she was even born. Is that really necessary? She'd say so.
And I should give credit where credit is deserved. The Zostress has the best mother in town. She's a lover. She's smart. She's hard working. She's a fireball. She pulls no punches. She plays from the heart. We were watching "Kid Nation," and Jess wept. She cried first from being inspired, then second from compassion, then a third time just from laughing. She loved the show. She loves Zoe. Zoe is set for life. We could have a war on American soil. There could be a battalion of baddies in the backyard. Jess would just go out there, the trees would shake, the earth would drop out, and the world would be hovering in a stupor. Apparently, it's a genetic trait. It's a special power. It's like mine. I'm really good at eating nothing but Corn Flakes. I got the gift.
So back to Zoe. She's at it. She smiles. She holds her head up proudly. It bobbles, but it bobbles proudly. Her eyes are still inquisitive. They'll always be. She calls out in her raw sub-language. The language of pure accident. She gawks, She guggles (not a word), she grieves, she grunts, she's just gusting with the wind of will. I guess I AM waxing poetic. She's Zoe. It's special to be around her. She's so small. She's so warm. When you hold her in your hands, you wonder where her wheels are turning. It's a fun mystery. Soon, it won't be so mysterious. She'll be talking out loud. She'll be asking questions, barking commands, conveying legacy logic, motioning for puppy and feline delivery, giving food reviews, clothing reviews, commandeering the remote, etc. She'll be growing up fast. I already know it.
I feel lucky to have Jess and Zoe around. They're a funny little team already. We're in a golden age.

My First Non-Zoe Blog

2007-09-07T19:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I am a software engineer after all. And I have to give kudos where it is deserved. Todays Kudos go to RSS feeds and RSS feed readers (ESPECIALLY THE FREE GOOGLE READER). They have revolutionized how I waste time on the internet!! Now all the information comes to me, and I don't have to go out to the information.

For a layman's description and demo, visit this link:
http://www.tomrafteryit.net/rss-in-plain-english/

If you choose to partake in the Google reader, you will be given the choice to subscribe to a series of pregrouped subscriptions. Many of them are junky and annoying. They can be removed at any time.

You will soon begin to notice the little RSS icon when you surf the web. If you use Firefox (You are evil and stupid if you don't), you will notice the icon on the right side of the HTML-address bar. If it has the icon, that means that the website is "subscribable." You can then create copy the sites address in the subscribe line on the google-reader page. Note: All blogs on Blogspot are automatically subscribable. Once you take the time to subscribe to your friends blogs (one time deal per subscription), you can just go to "reader.google.com" and login. You will see ONLY their NEW messages/blogs.

Some of my favorite blogs are David Byrne's from the Talking Heads, Robert Scoble the Techie, Mark Cuban (good for entertainment), and almost all the blogs under the Science and Thinking subheadings.

Enjoy!

It's not half as complicated as it seems. I've managed to overcomplicate it. Kind of like if you tried to write a step-by-step instruction manual for retrieving, opening, pouring, and eating a box of cereal.

Zoe, will be ten weeks in half an hour

2007-08-29T22:36:00.000-07:00

I will rewrite this later to make it readable. Right now I'm too tired.
Zoe had a doctor's appointment today. It went great.

She's now 11lbs 13 1/2 oz.
She's also 21 3/4 inches long.

Her weight has increased 60% since birth.
Impressive.

Also, she's open mouthed smiling. Smiling like she's got teeth!
What a sweetheart.

Notecard

2007-08-21T22:16:00.001-07:00

As I sift through this jargon, from empty butter plate to happenstance manifesto, the requests pour in. Grace is requested in the face of absolute bafflement. My attendance is requested as the salve of familial security. I am requested to lead the untouchable perfection of an infant. There is a request that my face should always resonate with calm security, my posture should remain strict yet forthcoming, inspiring yet unassuming. And amongst the requests, a small voice asks, can you pass me the butter?

There is nothing failsafe in this map of directions. There are no completed trails. But now, there is a child that rides with me through undiscovered neighborhoods. One day we find Memphis. On another, we find the road to nowhere. I'm in for it all. Anything. Everything from the strictest hymn to the whispering in the background of an alt-electronica impulse act. I'm present for the Grateful and the Gothic. I'm on the smile with any mystery. Even the unsolvable, impenetrable cases that offer only the clues that wave and wink as I fall asleep. I'm up for any vast adventure, even the flirtations of an empty adventure that refuses to make eye contact, but continues to leave messages on your refrigerator. They remind of the ultimate adventure, a small handwritten note, that states, can you pick up some butter?

I can't claim wisdom, grace, peace, omnipotence, hypnotic presence, calm fatherhood, ghosthood, mirth, apathy, inconsolable bafflement, intelligence, worthiness, saintliness, greed, an altruistic nature, innocence, a violent nature, or anything left to hold with a look of pride or desecration. I just can't claim anything. And so I walk through the supermarket. I walk toward a general guess at my best qualities. I walk with a confessional cloud of confused intent. A gentle mist of intent, made up of individual droplets of best familial guess. I have a notecard in my fingers. It says, "Don't forget to pick up the butter."

Zoe, in half an hour she's two months

2007-08-20T22:19:00.001-07:00

MMMMM
Am I impairing your sarcasm?
Do I do that?
Am I looking past you again?
Silly
What are you holding in your arms?
See me go.
Grace.
Did I do that?
Am I impairing your greed?
We're so innocent
Am I ashamed to be laying here naked?
Kicking my legs.
Swinging my arms.
Are you ashamed?
All your walking and all your talking.
Silly.
Am I impairing your judgment?
Hopefully.
Love,
Zoe

Zoe , on the brink of seven weeks

2007-08-08T22:41:00.000-07:00

Zoe, on the eve of seven weeks. She still looks beautiful. There is still something mystical in her attention. She can watch you for hours and never feel like she's staring. It's a special talent. I think it has something to do with innocence. She's too young to judge.

And what is she up to? She's not quite smiling yet. She's dropped a grin here and there. She's got a variety of curious expressions at her disposal. A few of them contain half-smiles. She's starting to practice vocal communications a bit. Of course, her greatest vocal achievement is a simple "heh." She can play it loud or soft. As if either interjecting or rambling. It's cute.

She's just now been upgraded to size-1 diapers. Huggies. Also, she's just had to retire some of her very first onezies (body-suits?). Yep, she's growing up. As we walked around the neighborhood today, I noticed that she's beginning to fill out the front pack. She's still very small though, with her legs dangling free, her head still does not clear the front of the Bjorn. She huddles behind it, with her hands in front of her, or under her chin. She watches and looks around as we cheer her on. I put rocks and bark and leaves in her hand. She holds on to them a while. It's always fun to see when she opens up her palms and lets 'em go. It's an example of one of those small mini-miracle-mysteries that babies are constantly telling.

We really love our Zoe, and are having a great time with her.

This friday, Grandma Kathy is coming to town.

Zoe's Greatest Trick: Watching

2007-07-16T16:24:00.001-07:00

I know what you're thinking. What is Zoe up to this week?

Zoe quizzes us with her eyes. She watches intently. If we tell a joke, she watches intently. If we sneeze, she watches intently. If we eat a ritz cracker with cheese-whiz, she watches intently. She watches intently. That's what she does.

You hold a mirror up to her, she watches intently. You shake a rattle at her, she watches intently. You lift her in the air and spin her around singing "whirlybird whirlybird," she watches intently. The dogs lick her forehead, she watches intently. With great attention, she watches us.

We buffoon around. We prepare bottles. We change diapers. We talk about plans for napping. We get the mail. We reach for stuff. We sit on furniture. We do all this and more.

She watches intently.

I'm beginning to feel watched.

Zoe's on the verge of a smile. I'm on the verge of kissing her on the nose. Jess is on the verge of making a new bottle. We're all in transition. We're transitioning. There's something changing every moment. There's something new to be learned. Zoe's learning. I'm learning. Jess is learning. Even the dogs are learning. The cat is learning. Neeka sits on the new air conditioner. She's learning to like the breeze. She watches Zoe intently. Zoe watches back.

It's the most quiet chaos imaginable. Everybody is so studious. There's elation in everyone's silent intent. We look close. We listen close. We feel close. There's an unexpressable intimacy to the entire day. I picked up a washcloth and handed it to Jess. Jess wiped Zoe's face. Zoe watched intently. It goes on like this for hours.

I love it.

Zo-zo

2007-07-07T23:40:00.000-07:00

She'll always be our perfect miracle.

It's strange to know that babies are born each day. Every single day in every single nation. Yet, they are ALWAYS special and are ALWAYS accompanied by their respective magical moments.

I love Zoe. Jess and I are having so much fun with her. She is her own mysterious being. We have very little access to her thoughts and feelings. But we do have some. We watch her sleep. She is not yet able to smile, but you can get her attention. And her attention itself is maturing. She watches closer. She watches longer. Her expressions change with the object of her focus. She listens. She doesn't quite understand. But she listens. That's a start.

For now, we obsess with figuring our little one out. We try to get a handle on her needs. We try to determine whether her fusses are problems that need to solved by us, or fully experienced by her. We try to entertain her. We try to relate to her. We succeed in varying degrees. But these challenges and emotions are all magically free-of-charge, and so we'll shoot for the stars!

I'm excited to see what she's got in store for us!

Visions of Zoe!

2007-07-07T18:19:00.000-07:00

Zoe is born!!

Will all cliches come true? What a beauty! What a miracle! What an unexplainable glory! How sweet she is! How innocent! How vulnerable! How perfect! Jess and I have been rendered stupefied by this little master of art and science. I've never felt anything like this before.

My brain is lit! It doesn't understand. It's convinced that I'm dreaming. It's drenched each moment in surrealism. There is no fantasy that can match the reality of the newborn baby asleep in the swinging chair. And the next day, the miracle is chugging a bottle of Enfamil as a dog scratches its ears in the window. Is this life? Is this real?

Usually in life, magical moments are fleeting. They're a quick darting day at Disneyland, or an exhilarating new freedom at a graduation ceremony. But ever has elation lasted this long. Will it always be this way?

My girl was born at 10:26 am on June 21st. I was there, although I feel like an entirely different man that writes before you today. I was actively participating in all the graphic realities before me. I was watching the top of her head approaching and retreating with each push and associated rest. I was inches away when Her head finally cleared, and she seemed to hover in the air. She was looking at me, not even completely born! Her body still inside her mother. It seemed to last for hours. It seemed to last for an instant. And before I knew it, she was free. She was laying on Jess' stomach. She was crying. But it didn't feel like sadness. It felt like the miracle itself! It felt like the miracle describing itself to me in the language of a little newborn Girl!

And the miracle cried. And I looked at her. I put my hand on her back. and I said "It's Ok Zoe. It's me! It's your daddy!" And she immediately stopped crying. She looked at me, and then rested. And each time she felt the confusion overtake her, she'd begin crying again. And I'd reassure her, and she'd rest again. Even now, two weeks later, she is easily consoled. Just with a word.